Happy new year.
I had to postpone my NYC trip because I have to attend my grandpa's funeral. He passed away last week. *Prayers*
Today is December 20th, the longest day of the year. My day will be over 40 hours long. How so? Well, today I am on my way back to America. I have to leave my home in Seoul for the past 6 months to go to my real home back in Los Angeles. This has been a hard week for me. I had to go to the hospital, take my last final, and say goodbye to my friends all in a matter of 3 days.
It still has not hit me yet, that I have left. Maybe because I am on a plane. Probably when I figure out that I cannot walk to the or have some at 3 in the morning, then I finally realize I am gone.
Since I am not really good with words, especially speeches when I am put on the spot, it was difficult to tell people what I was really feeling. I do not even seem to know how to put into words. As I said goodbye to my friends, I wanted to leave them with my good wishes for them. It was not a visible emotion. Deep down inside, each and everyone knew that we will see each other, maybe really soon.
For people who are worried about my health, thank you for the prayers. My liver and stomach is quite fine. I still have anemia, though. But it is not because I have iron deficiency, but something else.
My friends prayed for me. Thank you. As I said goodbye to my bible study group, I felt I have grown a lot with them as well. Korea has changed each individual. I believe that God has put me in Korea and placed me around my brothers and sisters as part of His wonderful plan. Thanks to Christian for facilitating my spiritual growth, and thanks to Justin for bringing me to church.
Thanks to my friends and roommate who sent me off to the airport today. I could not describe how absolutely joyful and grateful to have friends who care enough about me to go to the airport with me. I remember hearing horror stories of roommates, but I have been lucky. All of my past roommates have become my greatest friends. I thank God for this blessing.
Like I said last night as my farewell toast, I care and love each and every one of my friends the equal amount but for very different reasons. Have a safe trip home, and have a wonderful 2007. What a great way to wrap up this year of growth, 2006. It was a special year.
Korea, what a place. Vacationing there and living there is totally different. Somehow I think that when my friends see me, my mannerism have changed quite a lot.
It is weird. A lot of my friends had negative impressions of me when they first met me. But thank goodness first impressions are just something you have to look beyond. Do not judge a book by its cover. Its contents might be better than you think.
One of my favorite books in the Bible is the story of Job. I believe a lot of us could relate to Job. When we have something taken away from us, sometimes we lose faith in the Lord, putting God on hold, trying to cope with situations on our own strength. Through the manipulations of Satan, Job held firm to his faith and love towards God.
Prayers. Last week my mother hurt her back and could not leave her bed. My sister told me that my grandfather is in the hospital and the prospects are not good. His kidney is in trouble. Even I have to go back to the hospital next week for my digestive organs test. The only thing I can do is pray. It maybe the only thing I could do for my family. Dear friends, please pray for my grandfather.
Only one week left in Korea. However, a lot of opportunities just opened up recently. It is going to make my decisions difficult. But the first mission is to get back to the States as soon as possible. Every other decision and choice will come afterwards. My family needs me, and they my prayers.
I am excited go to home but also sad to leave. There seems to unfinished business here. I truly know that the Lord brought me here to open my eyes and give me prospective. My future. I am not sure about what is going to happen. My sister reasoned that my parents are getting old so they want me around. But I told my sister I needed to seek opportunities out in the world. I want to see the world. So I suggested that I stayed at home, and my sister achieve my dream for me. She does not want to strive for her dreams, because of her age and lost opportunities, blaming my parents for her present state. I told her to stop holding grudges, like a sermon I heard from my pastor here. I wished she would snap out of this state of negativity. Frustrating. Or ?? ?.
So home in 1 week? I want to get back to Korea asap. I got to buy Christmas presents. Hopefully, everything will fit in my suitcase. I will be back in the States in less than a week.
Some pics for my visitors:
Nike Dunks ahhh...
My SKY IM8500L, Samsung Flash drive, and my Apple IPod Nano
What's in my bag? Cell, IPod, electronic dictionary, sunglasses, NIV Bible, gloves, schedule book, lucky t-shirt of LL Cool J, monkey plush, agenga book with sticker pics, and sketch book.
Trying to forgive someone is one of the hardest things to do. For me, forgiving was always easier than forgetting. My friends agree that I can remain bitter for quite a while. I just do not let pains go that easily. I am sure that other people understand what I am trying to say. Having my heart broken has always been the most hurtful. When I fall, I fall hard. Therefore, if I ever fell in love, it always destroyed me when that was taken away from me. Though I forgive those who have hurt me, I could never forget the pain. It is because of this pain that makes me act pessimistic sometimes. I admire people who could just forget so easily. I am envious of them. If I could only forget, I would never hate others, I would never hate myself so much.
One day, I hope that the bitterness, as well as the pain, will all disappear. Be compassionate to each other.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32
I am still unsure about my health, but I praying. Thank you to everyone who prayed for me. My liver appears fine. It seems my dream of graduating at the top of my class is going to be over soon. I did not receive very impressive marks. I wished I could tell you what I have planned, but I really do not know.
There is another person inside of me. A person that I do not enjoy to be around. I hope that I will not worry. Sometimes, I am scared of myself. Truthfully, I am my worst enemy. But with the Lord, the spiteful and hateful side of me will gradually disappear.
Some pics of my trip to Kyungjoo and Pusan!
seaside temple in Pusan
Gwang alli Beach in Pusan
I think I am in love with Jesus. Thank you for my friends who guided me back to the Lord and for the Lord for giving me these friends. The past month has been filled with trials and tribulations. I was not strong enough to overcome many of these hardships. But the thing that I am thankful for is the fact that I am still fighting the fight, still surviving. That should be the goal. We all have our fair amount of hardships in our lives. It is impossible to overcome them all, but as long as you know that you are not alone, that makes the biggest difference.
while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 1 Corinthians 12:24-26
My body is holding up, somewhat. I am still severely fatigued from time to time, but I can overcome it by walking around or doing some sort of physical activity. The cold weather makes me kind of sleepy, too. Last Monday, it snowed for a little bit. It seemed wonderful. Winter was finally making its way here.
Several things that are in mind:
Should I stay in Korea for Christmas to perform for the JSEM choir? What would my parents say? I seriously do not know. Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to improve my Korean? It seems so improbable. The only thing I could do now is to try my best. Will I survive the Seoul winter? It is getting bloody cold recently. Though it is manageable now, would it be when it is below freezing? I keep wishing for a girlfriend. However, I am afraid that I want one for the wrong reasons. Being a good boyfriend is very important, but being a great friend is more important in the relationship. That is what some couples do not realize. Friendship first.
Epiphany. You can take that word by any definition. Check the word out in a dictionary.
뻨oun, plural -nies.
||(initial capital letter) a Christian festival, observed on January 6, commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day. |
||an appearance or manifestation, esp. of a deity. |
||a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. |
||a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight. |